Out of the Quicksand
by Karen Unsworth
I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and I was sinking fast.
Sinking into the quicksand of despair, helplessness and hopelessness.
What would my life be like? Would I be a bag lady on the streets?
Did all I have to look forward to were hospitalizations?
What would the future hold for me?
As I struggled with my schizophrenia I started to sink deeper. Various medications were given, but I was so heavily medicated that all I could do was lay around the house. I tried to sleep because when I slept I did not have those fearful suspicions or bizarre thoughts. I gained over 100 pounds, did not take showers, wash my hair or shave my legs. My life was a mess and so was I.
I was married with a young son who was 2 years old when I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I was not functioning at all. My husband had to quit his job to take care of our son. Life could not go on that way. My husband insisted I change doctors. So I made an appointment with someone at the Cleveland Clinic. I believe that I must have been one of Dr. Malone’s most difficult patients. I argued with him. I disagreed with him. I did not co-operate. I even demanded a second opinion after a delusion of seeing Elvis at a drug store. I was really out of reality!
One thing that the doctor and I agreed upon was that something had to be done. He changed my medication a couple of times and encouraged me to attend Recovery Inc. meetings.
My husband called Recovery Inc. and found out that there was a meeting at a church just a few blocks from my home. He questioned the leader and found out that no religion is discussed, no advice is given and no medications are discussed. People are encouraged to cooperate with their doctor. A series of coping techniques (Recovery “tools”) are demonstrated so that attendees can learn them and use them to help themselves. When he told me that Recovery Inc. meetings are run by people who have used the tools themselves and gotten well I felt that this was my last chance at a bright future. I went to my first meeting not only for myself but also for my family, especially my son.
When I attended my first Recovery Inc. meeting I just observed. The leader gave a brief history, telling me that a psychiatrist named Abraham Low founded Recovery Inc. She said, looking at me squarely in the eye, “We believe there is no hopeless case!” Something stirred inside me that was not there before. It was hope.
As the meeting got going “examples” were given of how people used the Recovery Method to cope with all kinds of nervous and mental symptoms. I was impressed at the way the people in the group were coping with some very tough symptoms. The hope I reserved inspired me to help myself and I changed my life.
When I was diagnosed with schizophrenia I lost friends I had known for years. In the Recovery group I felt supported and I felt like I belonged. These were people just like me and they were successful!
I was finally motivated to help myself. I sheepishly asked Dr. Malone, “Do you believe there is no hopeless case?” I’ll never forget how he leaned back in his chair and said, “I believe there are no hopeless cases Karen.” I bought Dr. Low’s Recovery Inc. books, and they became like a lifeline to me. Now that my own doctor agreed with Dr. Low I would study the chapters. Sometimes I would read a chapter several times a day just because of the comfort it brought me. Recovery Inc. knew how to help me.
What has happened to me sine that first meeting? I lost the weight, started taking showers, began caring for my family, and eventually got a job, and even earned a certificate from a local college. All with great success.
Today I am the leader of the Recovery meeting I first attended. I have not relapsed back into the hospital since attending Recovery Inc. meetings. I feel it is an honor and a privilege to be well enough to help others help themselves. I am out of the quicksand. Thanks to Recovery Inc. I know how to be self-led, not symptom led. I can now cope with schizophrenia.
Quicksand – A Poem
Schizophrenia is a quicksand
Sinking deeper till I cannot stand
Losing myself with the depths
Would my mind ever finally rest?The struggle went on to regain control
Fearful for my God given soul
Terror, suffering, delusions and more
Distrust and suspicion at my very core.
Sinking deeper and deeper still
Oh the torment of the mentally ill
Frightening thoughts and sensations abound
How could I ever turn my life around?
Then suddenly a rope came to me
It, I knew would set me free
I pushed and pulled with a strength I didn’t know I had
Recovery, thankfully, no longer mad
You too can grab this rope
It’s name you see, is called hope
Hope for the future, hope for health
It can happen to you regardless of wealth
All it takes is determination
To get rid of all frustration
You too can get yourself out
That is what self-help is about.
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