Dr. Low said setbacks are inevitable. So when Recovery members tell me they are in a setback, I think, "well, that's average-no danger." But when I have one, the picture changes. I feel wrong for getting into the setback and don't think it's average at all. Mine are divided into two kinds. The first kind is a pesky reminder that I must be sabotaging. I stop and spot it, and the setback leaves quickly. The second kind I call SETBACK (big capital letters). A lot of my old symptoms return for some unknown reason. Instead of accepting them calmly, I get scared and the vicious cycle gets going. I've had dozens of the first category during my years of Recovery training, but just a few from the second category, with years of good mental health in between.
In every one of my SETBACKS I knew that this time Recovery wouldn't work for me. I felt helpless and thought that I really had a permanent handicap. Days, weeks, and sometimes months went by with little or no relief. But I craved relief...NOW! What had happened to my Recovery insight? Surely others didn't become this helpless again! The symptoms I had were: tremors, disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, not interest in anything, fatigue, feelings of unreality, restlessness, and FEAR. I felt ashamed, too, and of course, that was the STIGMA!
I believed that my nervous illness was a disgrace. One of the Recovery techniques I did remember to use was to keep moving my muscles. I knew I could eat, that I did get rest if I stayed in bed at night. But I couldn't get away from my suffering. I was under the tyranny of my symptoms. My doctor told me to keep on with my Recovery training. I know now that these SETBACKS served a purpose. I had to scramble for answers. I studied the Recovery literature, attended more meetings (when I could), I lowered my standards for myself, and I learned how to WAIT the Recovery way...with hope and lots of will to bear discomfort. This strengthened my nervous constitution. I sought out mutual aid with Recovery members and acquired insight into my self-diagnosing, and also how much unspotted angry and fearful temper I still had. Once again, I regained respect for my emotional health. It has come first because everything else depends on it.
So, I am grateful for those SETBACKS. The mental health I enjoy now I've had for many years. It didn't just happen. I had to learn the hard way by applying the Recovery Method, motivated by my suffering. I no longer consider my nervous illness a disgrace. I am grateful to Recovery, Inc. for the knowledge that if I do get into another SETBACK I am equipped with training that will see me through it.
Treasure Rice (a patient of Dr. Low and a pioneer in the Recovery organization)
